21 August 2007

bored attention

When unfocused and bored, the surrounding world comes to life in the strangest way. Every sound is unbearingly present. A thud of a pen. A jarring door. Somebody talks in an adjacent room. You cannot make out what they say, it's just noisy mumbling. Somebody drinks coffee and the sound of the mug being placed at the table is like an earthquake. Hearing somebody walk down the corridor, clattering heels.

How exhausting that sometimes is. You focus on everything - anything - but yet you are focused on nothing. Feeling as if the surrounding swallows you, the whole of you. Everything seems to be aimed at you in a conspiracy-like way. Even if the mumblings are not for your ears, they turn against you. "This is my space, who are you?" They bother you, they intrude on you, offend you. Nothing is signficant but everything swirls around, asking for your dreary attention. Trying to resist all this: "I should get on with my business". But "business" provides more of the same: meaningless noise and mumbling.

Then something happens, and it's all over.

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